Walking The Boyfriend
by The Last Letter
Summary: A day with Jake, Nessie, Quil and Claire. The hair dye is released, Jacob pees in a bucket, and mice roll out the mirror. Quil was spit out by a Vegas showgirl, and Jake is a nineties faishon convict. Enjoy.


**Okay, just to clear a few things up before we start. I know Nessie can talk normally, like an adult, but we gave her a bit of a two year old's lisp. Claire is five, Nessie is at the intelligance and looks of five. Wolves and imprints can speak to each other in this fic, so, to avoid confusion:**

_**Wolves speaking to each other.**_

**"Imprints and wolves speaking to each other."**

**"Imprints speaking to each other."**

**Have fun.**

I'm tawkin' Jakey for a wawk." Renesmee chimed.

At five in mind and body, Renesmee took great pleasure in dress-up and dolls with Jacob. This new activity, however, this new venture, he wasn't too sure about. Renesmee led Jake from the house. Stuck in wolf for he couldn't do a lot about it. He whimpered pleadingly, but Renesmee clipped the leash on. The rhinestones glistened like Renesmee's skin from where they were set in the pink leather collar. Renesmee's playful smile made Jacob realize why he was doing this. He loved her. More than love, really.

But if Embry or Seth saw him, he'd never live it down. Thank God the road was deserted. He padded alongside Nessie willingly enough, but when they arrived in town, he had to try to draw the line. Any line would work, really. He nudged her thigh with his nose and planted his paws.

"Jakey!" Nessie protested, pulling on the collar. "Jakey! I wanna go to La Push and pawy wif Cwaire!" Jake sighed. Calire had been getting along well, and today was her last day in town. Jacob took a step and Nessie cheered.

Jake drug his feet on the dirst road as Nessie pulled him into the store. There, hunched over on his hind quarters, was poor Quil. In a purple doggie jacket. Jakebarked a laugh so that Quil would turn his head. Jacob ignored Ness and sauntered over to sit next to Quil.

_Claire bear went to get 'pwetty pwincess beads', _Quil explained in his head.

_Nessie wants to give 'Jakey wakey' a makeover,_ Jake attempted Renesmee's whiny tone.

Claire returned and squealed with delight when she saw Jacob. "Hey Caire." He said with as much enthusiasm as he could condure. Nessie came from around a shelf with a mischeivious look on her face.

"Jakey, you's gonta ben pwetty when I'm awl done." Jake swallowed his pride and reminded himself he loved Renesmee. Besides, he wasn't the one in the glitter doggie jacket.

_I resent that_. Quil told him, then a queer expression took over his furrt face and he twisted around to get a better look the jacket. _It glitters?_ He squeaked.

Just then the two toddlers rounded the corner holding beads, sequins, lengths of cloth and-

"Oh no," Jake began to back away quickly. "Nessie, honey, put the make-up down."

"I towd you dat you wowd wook pwetty."

"I've got da hair dye." Claire announced, setting down some boxes. Jacob and Quil both scrambled to stand, but the girls were quicker, taking pieces of rope they tied down each paw and wrapped their leashes around a metal bar behind them.

"What order do we do dis in?" Claire wondered.

"Haiw dye, make-up and den dwess up." Nessie decided, pointing at each object in turn.

"Okay." The little girls snapped on rubber gloves. The sound was loud in the otherwise silent room.

"I feew wike de evawl doctors in da movies." Claire told her friend.

"Not awl doctors are evall." Nessie reminded Claire, thinking of Carlisle.

"No, but sowm awr" Claire snapped her gloves again. "Le's gewt strawrted."

"You gotta take off Quil's jacket and boots."

Jacob looked at his friend's paws. _Boots?_ His expression clearly said.

_Don't judge me._ Quil whined, trying to hide his paws. However it was not working as he was tied down.

_Haha, they sparkle too!_ Jacob would roll over laughing if he could, but he was still tied tight. _You're gonna turn into a fairy._

_Shut up!_ Quil squawked as Claire began to remove the sparkles. Jacob howled in laughted until Nessie coated his muzzle in something pink. Lip gloss. _Lovely._

"Oopthie daithy." Nessie giggled. "I forgowt I hafta dye youwr hair."

A freezing cold glob of screaming hot pink hair dye hit Jacob's back. He was about to cry for mercy when he saw Quil lying on a paint sheet rolling around in sparkles. _I've definitely got the better end of the stick. _He decided.

Quil was now the purple of his doggie jacket, but with a couple million more sparkles. Jacob shuddered as Nessie began to massage pink dye into his fur.

_Mind outta the gutter._ Quil sang. Jacob growled, but Quil just snickered. Nessie reached over and whacked Quil on the nose. "Bad Qwiw." She reprimanded. "Don' make fuwn of Jakey."

"Neffy!" Claire whined, inspecting Quil's nose. "You weft a handpwint!" It was true, when Nessie slapped Quil, and pink hair dye handprint had been left behind.

"Oopth." And both girls giggled. After sharing their little moment the two toddlers returned to work.

_I hope Claire doesn't get too dirty. Her mom would KILL me._ Quil thought anxiously.

_If you think Claire's mom is dangerous . . . _ Jake trailed off, thinking of Bella and her new form.

_Get outta my head_. Quil growled.

_I would if I- YIPE!_ Jacob yelped. "Nessie, keep your hands away from there."

"Even da danger zown hast to be down." Nessie explained, continuing to dye his privates pink.

_Mind outta gutter,_ Quil sang, mimicking himself from earlier. Jacob growled and snapped at his friend.

"Qwiwl's awl done!" Claire announced, adding one last touch of sparkles to his ears.

"You fowgowt his taiwl." Nessie pointed at the chocolate brown tail, wagging innocently. Claire grinned, and reached over for another thing of dye and began to attack the tail.

Nessie finished painting Jake's rear half pink. She grabbed the yelled and began to dye his front half. _Why do I have to be two colours? _He whined.

_Why do I have to sparkly?_ Quil countered.

_'Cause Claire wanted to have you match your coat and booties._

_And Nessie wanted to capture your feminine side. _Quil informed him.

_I am _not_ a girl! _Jacob yelled.

_That's why you dressed drag one Halloween. _Jacob could hear Quil roll his eyes.

_I was eight, Quil. EIGHT! My mom thought it would be cute._

"QWIWL!" Claire whined, breaking into the boy's conversation.

"What?" Quil jumped, automatically getting ready to attack it. Forgetting for the moment he did not know what 'it' was.

"Thrtop waggin' yowr taiwl." Claire yelped, trying to catch the still wagging tail, now streaked with purple.

"I can't really help it." Quil explained.

"Twy!" Claire dove again for the tail.

"Get frowm stwing." Nessie advised, wiping a blob of dye away from Jacob's eye.

"Bwiwiant!" Claire crowed and rushed to the back of the store. Quil bowed his head and curled his tail under.

_How lucky are we that no one else has phased?_ Jacob asked.

_Don't jinx it!_ Quil screamed, head flying up. Jake grumbled, but made no more comments.

Meanwhile, Claire ran back into the front room holding a neon pink string. She knelt down and tried to pull Quill's tail up, but it wouldn't budge. With a sigh, Quil gave up his tail (and last have his dignity, not that there was much left) and allowed her to take over his tail. Gleefully Claire began to sparklize his tail.

At last the dye job was finished and the girls broke out the make-up.

"We thould do dis one at a tiwm." Claire suggested.

"Jakey firtht." Nessie clapped her hands.

"Pink to matht his bum!" Claire chirped. Nessie clapped again and leapt on the brightest. pinkest stuff in the pile.

_I hate your girlfriend._ Jake growled.

_She's not my girlfriend._ Quil snapped.

_I still hate her._

_She's four years old_. Quil stressed.

_At the moment._ Jake said with a glare at the pink things lined up in front of his yellow front paws.

"Now Jakey, you gotta thtay thrill, I don't wanna poke you eyeth out dowin youwr eye thadow." Thick pink powder dominated Jacob's lid and corrosponded well with his hind quarters.

"Hey Cwaire, where do I put da wipstick?"

"On da wips, duh." Claire responded.

"Oh no! I got thome on hith earths!" Renesmee's bossom brushed Jacob's face and made him hard. Neither of the children noticed, but boy did Quil.

_That is soo sick Jake. Don't you remember: mind out of gutter? _Quil gagged. _One,_ he continued, _she's five. Two you had images in your mind for years of her MOM naked._

"Awl done!" Nessie crowed.

"Aw, great." Jake complained.

"Aw, shut up." Quil cut in.

"Aw Quil, I got thome thparkles where thparkles don't bewang." Claire interrupted.

"Aw no you didn't Claire." Quil exclaimed.

"Aw just SHUT UP!" Renesmee screamed.

Silence. "Nessie, where did you learn language like that from?"

"Jakey, I hear you pawying video games, look, I know more. You thay 'fuck ooh,' amd 'Ga damnit you cockthucker." More silence.

"Neffy, can you teach me thothe?" Claire asked.

"Claire, I hear you say those words and I'll wash your mouth out with soap."

"Twy me," Claire challenged. Quil shifted his weight.

"You wouldn't!" Claire backed up.

"He cawn't." Nessie said, while finishing putting a strange coloured goop on Jacob's eyes.

"We gotta go Ness," Jacob's hind legs began to turn towards each other. What he had really meant was, 'I gotta go', Jacob's bladder was spazzing.

"Not yet! You gotta thee yourthelf."

"Cue da mice!" Claire yelled. At the words two filed mice started down the aisle, pushing something. A strip of light glinted off a small mirror, strapped to four wheels. The mice ran quickly, dragging the mirror behind them. The wheels squeaked awkwardly, but the mice continued until Renesmee yelled for them to stop. Jake squeezed his lids closed so hard it hurt. He didn't want to know how bad it was.

The yellow wasn't quite yellow enough to be canary, but not dull enough to be highlighter florescent. He looked like one of those jackets from the nineties, with different colors of neons. Wow. A headache started from all the brightness. His neon green ears perked. Jacob could do a full body shave, but there was just one place he wasn't willing to shave. Although, now that he thought about it, Nessie could go there, even if it was hot pink.

Claire took a flashlight and shone it on Quil. The purple sparkles were blinding, as was Quil's violet fur.

_Damn I am fi-ine._ Quil compliment himself.

_You look like you got spit out by a Vegas showgirl._ Jacob commented, laughing at the sparkles.

"Thank-you Claire. I feel beautiful now." Quil sounded serious. Jake rolled his eyes.

Really, Jake _had_ gotten the better end of the stick. Yes, he may have been four shades of florescents in all, but at least he wasn't five shades of purple. Quil had been covered with lavender, violet, mause, indigo, and plum. On top of all that was so many sparkles it hurt to look at him.

"You are booteeful, Qwiwl." Claire said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Yeah, he looks like a fairy tale princess." Jacob said, gruffly." Can we go now?" He directed his plea to Nessie.

"Umm," Nessie pretended to think about it. She didn't want her day with Claire to end, but she couldn't think of anything to do that would give her an excuse to stay.

"You cawn't do!" Claire yelped. "Jewery!" She reminded Nessie.

Nessie clapped, glad to have an excuse to keep Jake chained up. "Wite. Jakey, we can't do."

"But Nessie!" Jake protested, knowing he was going to pee himself soon.

"I have a sowution." Claire announced. She disappeared for a few seconds and came back with a large red bucket. She placed it underneath Jacob.

Jake knew that he'd be blushing if he was in human form. The sound of gushing liquid filled the room. Quil was snickering inside his head, and both little girls looked seriously grossed out.

When he was finished, Nessie and Claire both looked toward the bucket, crinkling their noses at. Glancing at each other Nessie asked, "Who's gonna empy iwt?"

"He's yowr bowyfrend." Claire answered.

"Cwaiwre!" Nessie swatted her friend's arm. "Dat's gwoss. Jakey is OWLD!" Nessie stated.

Quil laughed. Claire studied Jake and sighed. "He is kind owld. Jewewry time!"

The two girls dragged out so many play jewelery, that Jacob thought he would die. Just literally drop dead. Claire began to throw piles of silver stuff at Quil's feet, announcing that silver went better with purple than gold. What she forgot to notice was that silver also sparkled more, and Jake couldn't bear to look at Quil as it was.

_Super nova bright_, Jake commented in his mind.

_Escaped nineties convict._

_What was my crime?_ Jake asked.

_The faishon police were the ones that pulled you over. You figure it out._

_And what makes you so smart on the topc? _Jacob demanded.

_I-OW!_ Quil suddenly wailed, dropping his head into Claire's little lap.

"Qwiwl!" She screamed, and threw her arms, as best as she could, around his head. "Whawt happewned?"

Quil didn't know what had happened, exactly, just that his left ear was hurting. This was the ear he rubbed against Claire's little arm. Claire took the ear in her toddler hands. Then she let out a tiny giggle. "Qwiwl, i's jus a cwip own eawin." Claire unclipped the silver heart shaped earing, a cheap plastic clip secured to the back. "Be mowr manly." Claire scolded and clipped the earrings back on his purple ears.

Jake snickered. Quil glared. In reality, the girls took barely five minutes to complete the jewerly phase of the day.

Jake, still neon in colour, was now covered in thick chairs. Wrapped around his neck were orange, yellow, green, blue, purple and pink chains. His ears had orange stars and hoops. Intricate rings had been wegeds onto his toes, some had cheap, yellow happy faces on them, and one actually had 'BLING' on it in fake stones.

Quil didn't fare a heck of a lot better, but at least he was only decked in silver. A lot of silver, but just silver. It was getting harder to look at him with ever passing second. Jake shuddered to think of what he would look like standing in the sun. Quil had a tiara thing on his forhead. Silver heart earrings, a long chain around his neck, silver rings, just bands, no stones and a thin chain wound around his tail.

Claire looked at her watch. "I's fowr o'cwock. I sould gwo."

"Pictwars fwist." Nessie insisted, pulling out a camera. After taking quick pictures, the group left La Push and headed in their different directions.

Toward home.

**Blame the mice on Lezlee. Lezlee and I joint own this plot, but we do not own the **_**Twilight series**_**.**

**~DI4MGZ~**


End file.
